Deleted any mentions of Mona I made to her on Twitter...hope that helps keeps her business offline.

Fucking Bullshit

I didn't do shit and I allowed everyone to say whatever they wanted to say and do what they wanted to do and I'm in the wrong. Mona & Christian want to get in to it and Chris blowin up my text trying to compare my situation to his in which he is WAY off. And Mona gets mad at me because I didn't want to talk about the "claiming" situation in which I have already spoke of before. Do I feel like she claims me via social network and lets people know I'm her bf...NO...and I've made that opinion VERY CLEAR. At the same time, I wasn't trying to get in to it and all I was saying was that she was proving their point by deleting it. It could have simply been left as is and there would have never been an issue. We all have our ego's. Mona has hers with wanting to get her way. I have mine with wanting to be publicly acknowledged as her boyfriend. Chris has his by thinking he's always right. Everyone needs theirs fed from time to time. And like I said in my previous post. I have nothing to hide and thats why I have no problem saying things outside of my privacy such as I love you to Mona on twitter. Does it hurt that I don't receive the same love back? YES, but I try to just let it go. Anyways, Everyones pissed at me basically because I did nothing. I didn't jump in and say "Mona, stop. Thats my friend. talk to him respectfully." No because he asked who she was and acted like he didn't wanna know anymore. And now Mona's mad at me because I didn't want to get in to that topic of conversation and when she forced it out of me it was the same thing I've always said and I tried to make it clear I'm not trying to get in to that tonight! Anyways, fuck me again. Its amazing how I can have such a wonderful day yesterday on cloud fucking 9 then turn to shit in less than 24 hours and I didn't even do shit. Maybe I should just act single online like Mona does and think I'm always right and be overly hard headed like Chris & Robert. Then maybe I can somehow please the entire world in one fucking stroke! Drinks on me! Lets get high! Everyone is mad! Fuck my life! OH MY GOD, WHAT THE FUCK! Going for a drive...maybe I'll succeed at killing myself this time around. I'm Out...

Hide Nothing

So Mona told me "every guy has something to hide". Normally that would be true because most guys aren't 100% honest. Me on the other hand, I can careless. Whats in the dark always comes to light. I've learned that lesson before. Thats why i have no reason to hide anything. I told her she can go through my twitter, facebook, both of my computers & my phone whenever she likes. I know when I'm doing something wrong. So if I ever feel the need to have to lie to Mona then it's basically done. I don't do messages or DM's. I tell people to hit me on my TL or news feed. Only person I've ever had DM's with is Mona, Von & Kolton (we share PPV links via DM because if they're on the TL for so long they get shut down) and as soon as thats done it is deleted. But if you don't trust things that have been deleted then I can simply not delete anything. I gave Mona my passwords to feel free to go on my FB or Twitter whenever her little heart desires. lol I love her and that is true 110%. So yes, I agree with her when she says guys always have something to hide, but thats only when they're doing something wrong.

My Motto

I just wanna know when she's going to be here...

AMAZING DAY!

I'm feeling fucking great today! Me and Mona have been on the same page all day and it's been amazing! There's nothing at all that can kill my mood today! I love that woman so damn much. Come to find out, she has a vendetta against Abella Anderson which sucks because she became my favorite due to all the similarities I found in her to Mona. Either way, she can never compare to my Mona Lisa. I have such a loving, amazingly beautiful & incredibly sexy girlfriend and future wife ever! I can not wait until I have her in my arms soon! I couldn't imagine myself dating or loving anyone else at this very moment. I am too happy right now!

Dear Mona..

Adrenalin Rush

Well I went for my usual reckless drive in the Hollywood hills to clear my mind. Instead I had the second scariest moment of my life and a hell of an adrenalin rush. My dumb ass forgot I don't have the Z anymore so when I took a specific turn expecting the front to hold and the rear to slightly tail whip my FRONT WHEEL DRIVE CAR love tapped the "safety" railing on the edge...to be honest...I shouldn't be able to make this post. I've drove those hills at night a thousand times knowing there's no lights and the speed limit is 25 (I won't say how fast I was going but know that you should never even be close to what I do up there) but I handle it extremely well. It's just my mind was so focused on Mona. The way she stays on my mind is dangerous. Either I need to find a new venting spot, or just chill the fuck out and go to bed. Anyways, a couple pics I took while I was at the top right after I almost killed myself.

FUCK!

FUCK ME! FUCK MY RESPECT IN A RELATIONSHIP! FUCK MY APOLOGIES! FUCK ME FOR GIVING A DAMN! FUCK LOVE! HAVE A FUCKING GOOD NIGHT! I'LL BE THE FUCKING ASSHOLE LAYING DOWN AFTER TRYING TO HELP MY GIRLFRIEND UNDERSTAND WHEN A MOTHERFUCKER IS FLIRTING AND WHY I DON'T LIKE NOT BEING MENTIONED WHEN IT HAPPENS FEELING LIKE SHIT BECAUSE EVEN AFTER I APOLOGIZE FOR OVER DOING THE ARGUMENT IM THE FUCKING BAD GUY THAT CARES TOO MUCH AND NEED SPACE FROM! FUCK MY LIFE PERIOD!

I know I over react on a lot of things. But one thing I hate most is being the reason she cries. I love her too much to ever want that. And the fact that she feels the need to get away from me hurts even more. I really need to control myself when it comes to her. I'll never lay hands on a woman period, but words can do just as much damage. I'm sorry. I truly am sorry.

Try

No one is saying I quit (at least I'm not). And I am NOT saying everything she does is "wrong". All I'm asking for is a little more effort. Try for me at least half as much as I try for you. I love her with all my heart and can never take away from her beauty & physical perfection. I just want to actually feel like I'm her boyfriend. Stop a guy in their tracks from time to time by letting them know that I'm her man. Let a overly flirtatious asshole know I'm the one she loves. I don't feel I'm asking for much as far as a relationship goes. Just respect as her boyfriend and visits from time to time.

Wimbledon Wows

#100 Rosol beats #2 Nadal in 2nd round of Wimbledon! Amazing match! Finally something was able to take my mind off of my personal bullshit!

What's the Point

I feel like all I've been doing is complaining and being angry. Maybe I expected too much to change or be different. And if that's the case the what's the point. All I'm asking for is to have a real relationship with someone I truly care for and love, but at times (not all the time) it feels like pretend. Anyways, woke up in a sour ass mood again. I feel like fuckin Oscar the grouch.

And of course, even when I'm mad I still say "night" (good night) and will continue to say "morning" (good morning). But either way. My issues won't change because it's a big deal to me. The highlight of my day was when Mona was actually able to say she was jealous of a bitch that really doesn't match up to her. At least I know she's human and somewhat cares. Anyways, I'm going to sleep pissed and I hate doing that so that only ha my attitude worst on top of her not even saying a word after I told her why I had an attitude when she asked me. Fuck it. Good night.

Relationship?

I'm either the undercover boyfriend or the exclusive friend...either way, I'm not liking it and getting fed up with the continuing disrespect as a so called "boyfriend"...the more I think of the shit, the more pissed I get...and the gym didn't help take my mind off of shit...I'm going for a drive.

Done for the night

I'm done being horny...fuck intimacy....and fuck how I feel about anything...yes really

Yes really

Seriously gonna diss me like that. Fuck it. Maybe if I was...nevermind...just gonna get more pissed.

Kind of in a sour mood to where it feels like everything people says to me sounds like an attitude. I think I'm just gonna be to myself today. I read text and tweets and they sound like smart ass comments or remarks. I think I'm just sexually frustrated most likely but extremely irritable none the less. Fuck it.

Whatever I Guess

I guess I'm in the wrong for apparently still having a picture of someone i spoke to MONTHS before me and Mona started speaking again. First of all, I only had the picture still because my mom is in it. No other reasons what so ever. And she clearly has nothing on Mona. But apparently this is different from her telling me how she wanted to fuck her ex/ baby daddy 5 months ago and telling me because "he's hot". She tried to flip it on me like "you thought Ardis was hot" etc. But she doesn't quite understand my way of thinking. Once I stop talking to anyone, their looks matter nothing to me. And no matter how sexually frustrated I am, I don't think of a damn ex. Whatever though, I'm the reason her mood was killed, yet she did the same when she said her bullshit to me. I didn't get off the phone but whatever. I'm the bad guy. Fuck it. Looks like every ones mood is killed tonight. On some bullshit...

Errr

Horny as fuck and Mona isn't helping me because she's too busy leaving me hanging. Blah.

Ugh..

Having a random feeling...not liking it all...blah

Wake Up!

So I'm up early as bat shit on Robin's chest (think about it lol). I'm about to head out with Rob to go pick up Mags & the kids in San Diego. Unfortunately I didn't get much sleep because I had like 2 more shitty dreams, but I decided to not let that salvage my mood for a beautiful new day. As far as that thing I was gonna sleep on and talk to Mona about. I decided to just keep that asides for now because I know me and I won't be able to fully commit to such until I have the ability to really BE with my love. Might be selfish of me but it is what it is. I still trust her though with my heart regardless of what I have dreamt or what was in the past. Things are going great between us (her words) and I'm really enjoying it and because of that I woke up and put myself in a good mood just for her. Hope everyone that reads this has a great day! Even though I think I only have 1 reader and thats my Mona Lisa lol.

Nightmares

So I dozed off for a little bit and woke up pissed as fuck. I've been having an awkward feeling toward certain people on twitter that converse with Mona. Last time around that same feeling proved right and it hurt beyond belief. I pray history does not repeat itself. Even though this may be my own insecurities. I still love that damn woman and if I want to ever learn to fully trust 100% then I need to not put myself in situations that provoke such thoughts. I'll talk to her tomorrow about it but this is seriously a HUGE step for an extremely jealous person like myself. Maybe I should sleep on it and see if I'm really ready to make such a commitment like stay off of her twitter and such. I do believe she wouldn't/ isn't doing anything disrespectful or unfaithful to me and our loving relationship but again the past can never be forgotten, but forgiven. I'm I wrong for wanting to hear her voice all the time? Am I wrong for being so protective of someone I love and cherish in my life because she makes me happy? Am I wrong from genuinely smiling and feeling warm from such simple yet impact full words "I love you papi"? I having iffy dreams that make me doubt myself on wether I'm good enough for the one I love. Fuck, I hate nightmares!

Best Comedy on TV!

Ignore My Last Post

I'm over whatever it was I was thinking last night...I'm a fool for even saying such things.

Maybe I'm trippin..

Maybe I'm trippin but sometimes I don't feel like Mona wants me as bad I I want her. I try to be Mr. Optimistic by saying its bad timing, but it feels like EVERY TIME is bad timing for her. Still yet to do any type of FaceTime when I was told it'll be all the time/ whenever I want. Sex is basically nonexistent. I'm doing my fucking best to remain as cool as possible and TRYING (trust me, I am trying my ass off) to stay patient and not over react. I love her deeply and I know she loves me but sometimes I honestly feel like she isn't attracted to me or really her type. I'm seriously pretty far from the opposite. I'm most like thinking in to this too much but whatever. That's how I feel because that's how she makes me feel at times. I can't help that. Irritated. Frustrated. Suffocated by my own thoughts and insecurities on wether I'm ever desired by the woman I'm heavily in love with. Fuck what I feel though...good night...

AHHHHH!!!!!!

HORNY AS FUCK!!!!!!

ALL HAIL THE KING!

My Kiddos!

I've grown so close to these kids in just a spans of a year. I'll kill for these girls & love them to death. They helped pick me up from a rough break up with joy and actual interest in my life and what goes on it. Believe it or not, they know things not even my parents or even Von does about my life. Their mother is also a person I would love to stay life long friends with and is great at what she does. James is missing in this pic with his little bad ass but he's just as awesome as his older sisters.



(left: Katie, middle: Annie, right: Jocelyn better known as "Ochie")

Disrespect

I originally wanted to just give a huge shoutout to my marvelous girlfriend but this leads in to a topic of disrespect. Apparently this kid (whose name I refuse to give acknowledgement) decides to play games on twitter. I appreciate Mona for letting me know what's going on and that there was nothing actually happening but that doesn't mean he's not pushing buttons. He clearly lacks respect for relationships in general, let alone Mona (and I hope she understands that). Either way I told Mona thank you and she holds my trust as well as my heart in her hands. I feel Mona has the integrity to honor and cherish what we have because I do my best to show her how much I love her with every breath I take. Everyday that I have ever been with the girl of my dreams, I say good morning wether I'm happy, sad, disappointed or mad. I do have 1 regret though. And that's telling her about the AMAZING dream I ha of her last night (I'll leave it at that lol). But I'm done with the kid that lacks utter respect for myself and Mona nor does he understand that his time has passed. She doesn't deserve someone as irresponsible, immature, self-centered and disloyal as him. I'm not perfect by any means, but I'm a MAN and that's what she needs. I don't try to get close to a child to get in the mothers pants and disappear after playing games. Diego is great but he's only a child and impressionable. That's the ultimate disrespect and I refuse to ever do anything even close to such actions. That's why I never try and force myself upon him and allow any attachment to only go as far as Mona allows because I understand that is her true heart and soul. I never wanna hurt her in such a way. Enough about the ignorant kid that thinks he's grown and still plays games. I'll end this blog on a good note. If you are single and have an ex you truly miss. It's best to show you care by leaving them alone and wishing them the best. After all, you do want to see them happy. I was once in this position myself, but God blessed me with the opportunity of bringing the one that got away back to me along with her son. She can have all the baggage in the world for all I care and I will be there to help carry it with open arms. Love isn't something to play with so I give my all. Good night & God bless

Confused

I had a really good dream of Mona until I woke up. I have questions that confuse the hell out of me right now...

GUESS WHO'S BACK?!

Guess who's back in my life? No...(not Ardis for those I've known since high school -___- ) it's actually the only other person I've let my guard down to love, Mona.Yes I wrote a semi bitter & angry blog last time she was mentioned, but you have to understand that I was deeply hurt by how it ended and what happened after (I won't quite elaborate because that's more personal than even I feel comfortable with to explain). And I was extremely hesitant on trying things out again because I usually do NOT give 2nd chances but my heart never told me not to with her. So yes, me & Mona are dating again & my love for her is almost as strong as it was the first time around. But this time I did have some demands. 1. SHe HAS to come see me and no flaking or I'm done. 2. Birthday, Xmas, anniversary gifts are a must. 3. No repeat incidents of what caused our issues. Minus very minor tweets, everything has been pretty smooth. I love her so much. Sometimes I feel like I'm a fool for doing so, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I put my faith in her and trust her to not let me down now. Mona is nothing less than amazing and still incredibly gorgeous. (when I say incredibly gorgeous, I mean this is the most beautifully stunning woman I've ever laid my eyes on...seriously) she's 5'2
And 117 lbs of SEXY! I would do anything for this girl including her funny & awesome 5 year old son Diego. Yes I'm sexually frustrated because it's been a VERY long time since I've last had sex (I won't say how long because it's embarrassing lol) but Mona tells me she will be the one to fix that very soon and I can NOT wait! She's lagging on FaceTime calling -___- but she's been able to make it up (for now lol). But I've come to remember why I call her Mona Lisa and that's because her imperfections make her perfectly beautiful and there's not many imperfections. I'm happy where I am in life right now and I feel blessed to have her back and truly mine.

Memories

Toy Collecting

New hobby since I retired from shoes...there's A LOT more NOT in this picture