Disappear?

Sorry but I can't sleep. Mona has been on my mind but I'm beginning to almost hate her. I won't go back on my word of she ever needs me but what was done is beginning to really hit. So many thoughts and words I want to say. And of course she's back to her old self as if nothing happened while I play fake "it's whatever". I don't want to hate her but she seems to make it pretty fucking easy to do so. I didn't delete her completely when I really should. Things will never be the same no matter what. Maybe I need to disappear completely. I'll take a week to think about it. I almost have no choice because she really was and is the love of my life, but now after everything that has happened I feel like everything was a lie and yet again I was not the only one. I'm going to stop before I say way too much and my words get out of hand. I'll see how this long week goes before I make a final decision on wether I become a ghost or not. But from now on IF I choose to talk to another woman. I'll never love or trust any female ever again.

Last blog post

Me and Mona are done. I'm officially broken with nothing left. Betrayed and unloved is where I belong. Depression is my reality and happiness is a dream for fools. She will forever have my heart and never will another. Because is love only gets you hurt and she was right all along. So the first sign I see at happiness then I need to kill it before it kills me again. Good bye

Just a few more hours!!!

Everyone is super excited to see Mona tomorrow! I love her so much and can't wait to finally be with her. But she's lagging terribly on telling me the time she arrives!

Interesting talk and I'm not even mad, shocked or hurt. I actually understand the situation. Wether or not I agree with it is different, but we're good. Now for my dad on the other hand. I am PISSED!!!!!!! -____-

Uncomfortable

Mona has recently had me feeling a little uncomfortable and uneasy. Certain actions or should I say lack of have had me concerned if not scared. I know she said that we needed to talk last night but I was too late. Maybe that's why I couldn't sleep last night and have been up since 4am.

I can't sleep...

1 DAY!!!!

FINALLY!!!! THE LAST DAY UNTIL MONA ARRIVES!!!! SOOOOOOOOOOO HAPPY!!!!

Why such anger and attitude? I wanna say something but I won't. I'm staying positive.

What?

Why call me to have an attitude with me for no reason? I haven't done shit but be loving and supportive. I've even been giving an ample amount of space even though I hate it because I'm excited to see the one I live most and so is my family (dad). We've been preparing all for her visit all week and still am. So why am I being treated like I did something wrong. Whatever, I'm going to finish this laundry and do the last of these things to get ready for her visit. Take care of this haircut first.

HAPPY FRIDAY!

Woke up with the hugest smile on my face. Had a GREAT dream of Mona and only 2 more days! I am kind of worried about her though because I haven't gotten to speak to her much all week and that does concern me.

2 Days!!!!

I CAN'T WAIT! 2 MORE DAYS UNTIL MONA AND DIEGO GET HERE! EVEN MY DAD IS EXCITED LOL

Today <<<< *sigh*

My dad just hit me with the "now is she really coming...because the last few times you said she was well...nothing happened" and of course I say yes...I know she's not gonna flake or anything this time around...it's called trust....I just want these 3 days to fly by already -_____-

Really??????

Lilian is getting on my nerves with this Serina and Kolton shit. She ain't hit me up since her birthday in Feburary and now she needs me to play driver? Fuck out of her with that bullshit wit her fake ass.

3 MORE DAYS!!!!!!!

So today I'm cleaning carpets for the magnificent Mona Lisa's visit arrival in 3 days. Normally I'd be pissed, but for her I'm actually happy to do it. I also have 2 loads of laundry and my comforter to wash, but I'll so that tomorrow. And Saturday is a last quick go around on bathrooms and the kitchen. And I find funny because she's only coming in here for like 10-15 minutes to say high to my dad and get a tour around the house. Then again she will be back to cook and stuff but that another day. I am a little pissed at myself because I got a text last night and deleted it before I remembered to get the number to give to Mona. The reason I was suppose to save the number and give it to Mona was because it was this girl I was talking to before me and Mona decided to go another round. Her name is Rosa and she wasted TOO MUCH of my time nor can she even stack up to Mona. I mean seriously Rosa was a huge down grade from Mona, but everyone I see compared to Mona doesn't amount. Mona KILLED Rosa in looks. I mean really, no debate what so ever. Mona easily has better conversation. Both are terrible at texting lol but this was the worst problem. When I was talking to Rosa, I always thought of Mona. I could never help it and it sucked. And when I'm talking to Mona, time freezes and she's all that matters. I never stopped loving Mona. Yes, I did TRY to be distant when we broke up and act like I didn't care anymore about her or what she did, but in reality it was killing me because I never stopped loving her. Mona was and is my world. I mean those kids made me happy and I always walk around with a smile but it wasn't the same. I really did miss her every day I wasn't with her. I remember I went on a date one time (this was a 1 time only date because of the following lol) and at dinner we were actually having good conversation and for the first time in a long time I was enjoying myself. And guess who decides to accidentally call this girl I was having fun with Mona....this guy lmao. Needless to say the date was over with an uncomfortable car ride taking her home and not even a "bye". And I believe after she got out the car, if I remember correctly. I had the balls to call Mona and I was ready to confess my love all over again but she didn't answer the phone. I was embarrassed that night and then I wasn't because it was about Mona. This trip means everything to me and basically erases any mistakes or bullshit that has ever happened between us. This is so important to me because this is what I've always wanted from her. This is all I've ever really wanted from her. Because all I want an need is her. 3 short days is when my dreams become reality. If anyone ever decided to ask me why I love her so much and what makes her so different considering I once was engaged. The answer is easy. It's because she knows me for me and the thought of her makes me smile without a care in the world. We never built anything on a physical connection. Yes, we are attracted to one another, but the relationship is not just about "because we have great sex". I lover her personality as cliche as it may sound. Her ability to accept and take responsibility even when she doesn't have to. Her loyalty to family and friends. And want hooked me the most was her impeccable and undying love and dedication as a mother. This is the first woman to ever mesmerize me every way possible and without sex (physically). I may not know everything to do or how to take care of a child but no one does until try have one. And I will have her bare my (our) children. She's the love I make fun of in movies and books that I swore didn't exist, but I was wrong. But times like now, I just wish I could
Make her laugh and smile. It truly does hurt seeing the one your heart belongs to as she is this moment. But Sunday and for an entire week I'm going to do my best to help her forget any negativity. Me, her and Diego! But this 3 days needs to move fast. And speaking fast. You know what not happening fast enough? Me getting on these carpets because I decided to blog and my thoughts ran away with me. Today should be ok. Kolton and Serina probably just chillin today. Von got called in to work. I'm cleaning. And I hope things are looking better for Mona today. It really did suck not talking to her yesterday. Anyways, I need to get started. I'll be back later tonight most likely.

3 Days!

3 Days until Mona arrives! I'm curious what happened today with her especially since I didn't talk to her at all literally today because he was busy with work and stuff. I hope she's ok. I miss her so much but I'll be seeing her sunday. Making the sacrifice and patience all worth it. I'm going to sleep now though because my stomach is killing me from that burger. Anyways, I get to be with the most beautiful woman on this planet in 3 days! I love Mona so much. Good night

4 DAYS!!!!!!!

I'm so happy and so excited about Mona coming this Sunday! And this time there's no flaking like the last times and the feeling is amazing! I love that woman so much! Although it does hurt knowing she not quite herself. I have all the confidence in the world that she will find herself soon enough because she really is that strong of a woman. She's the greatest girlfriend any one can have and I get to she her off to my dad and friends (some friends lol). It does suck that my mom won't be here but I'm sure she'd love Mona and Diego just as much. My dad is really excited to see her but more importantly taste her cooking lol. So far this week has been ok for me. The highlight is counting down the days until I see my love. 4 more days!!!!

Good morning

4 Days!

4 Days until my love gets here! She had a minor family issue like a gangsta but thankfully she's ok and that's all that matters. I love her so much. 4 days! Good night

I bored her to sleep :(

Headache

This headache is killing me. I couldn't sleep all night because of it and it's continuing now. Now I understand what Mona meant when she said she was woken up out of her sleep from a headache. This shit is no good.

5 Days!

5 long/ short days til I see my Mona Lisa & Diego! I love those two and Mona really is more than a blessing in my life. Should sleep good tonight and hopefully wake up with another smile on my face because of her. 5 DAYS!!!!! Good night

Hate thinking sometimes because then thoughts run wild. I make myself my own worst enemy 9 times out of 10. I need to distract myself with positivity.

Do Not Call?

I miss my Mona Lisa. I almost called her like 100 times but I stopped myself. She said she was watching a Avatar: Last Air Bender Marathon with her awesome son and I don't want to interrupt. Plus I feel she needs this time to herself so I'm doing everything I can to make her happy. I just hope she gets her itinerary soon, but that's me being overly anxious as usual. She is always on my mind and I love my baby. She'll call me when she's ready.

6 Days!

Had a dream that pissed me off and woke me up. Not gonna say what it was because I refuse to accept it again. This means too much and basically everything to me! 6 Days until Mona arrives and nothing else!

Hearing her not happy is so painful. I'm not a huge religious person but she's in my prayers because I simply don't know what else to do.

I love her unconditionally and hearing her voice just now as if she was on the verge to just breakdown and cry turned my stomach so hard! Times like this I just wish I could be there for her and just hold her. As much as I would like to hold her while she lets out all the tears, I know that's not in her because she hates showing emotion or looking vulnerable and I can respect that. She's a very strong independent woman that tries to withhold that image no matter what and with no matter whom. Either way that is still what I have grown to love about her even though it can be frustrating at times. But all
I want to do is make her happy. I love her SOOOOOOOOOOOO much! My heart is completely hers. I hope she feels better sometime this week and I'm looking forward to all the fun, love, lust and memories we'll make when she RT's here in 7 days. I just wish I could help somehow.

Feeling helpless

I hurts not being able to help someone you love so much. I just want her to be happy and I feel like I'm failing.

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday!

Today looks like its going to be a quiet day for me again. Mona is extremely busy for the second weekend in a row and next weekend she's here. My level of excitement and anticipation is TOO HIGH! I mean it sucks not talking to her as much but I can live with it knowing that it's only 7 days until I see her and her son. Aside from that I watered these damn plants I hate with a passion. After that I cooked breakfast and downloaded Slaughterhouse new Mixtape "On The House" that released today at noon central time, and it is AWESOME (lyrically). Unfortunately that most likely means that their album "Our House" is being pushed back for its THIRD time when it's suppose to release this Tuesday. Oh well for that huh? Anyways, I'm about to get ready and go to the gym. I miss Mona though. It almost sucks that I think of her so much.

7 Days!

Only 7 LONG days until Mona arrives! My mood has been getting better the closer the day comes. A lot less has been getting to me and I think it's because I'm just so anxious to finally have Mona with me. I love her and she makes me so happy. I'm more than thankful for having her in my life. She's my everything. 7 more days! Good night

Can't sleep

I keep waking up because of shitty dreams. I'm trying to think of other shit and it's NOT working. Maybe I need to just stay up for awhile....

Certain things as a boyfriend/ girlfriend you don't want to hear. Whatever though. 8 days left. Good night.

No sex, pure fucking

Well my night got a little better toward the end. I'd prefer if Mona finished with me a lot more but everything is still good. But in almost 9 days (I should say 10 because of my bullshit punishment) I'm going to fuck her whole body up! Feet, legs, pussy, ass, waist, back, arms, neck and face. No sex, pure FUCKING! I plan on destroying her 6 days straight until neither one of us can fuck anymore, if I get to that point. These days need to hurry the fuck up. I have a baby to make and my bitch to break. I love Mona and need her so bad. Good night.

And that fast, everything is ok lol I love her ^__^

Hate that shit

It hat really killed my entire fucking mood. I play around with her damn question as a joke and I hate my calls being purposely ignored. That just irritates me more than anything. I could go on but it only upsets me more I think about it. Fuck it. Good night.

Horny as fuck right now. And because of that, now I'm a little bummed about this fucking penalty. *tear*

10 Days!

Only 10 days until my love arrives! Although she's punishing me on night one because I laughed at a damn picture -___- but I'm still happy none the less. We didn't really talk much at all today. I mean literally, but I was giving her space and she was really busy. I'm slowly learning to understand that she has a lot on her plate and I don't want her to start resenting me because I don't leave her alone or bug her. I want her to love me as much as I love her, that's all. I just want us to be happy especially going in to this trip. I can't wait to see her and Diego. Today was ok but I'm hoping tomorrow will be better seeing how I have to drop my car off for brakes and a few other things. God I love knowing I have such a beautiful girlfriend and see her gorgeous face every morning I wake up on my computer. Good night.

12 Days!

12 days until my Mona Lisa gets here and I hang with Diego. Of course I can't wait to fuck my SEXY bitch's brains out and make this child together! TOO ANXIOUS AND EXCITED! FUCK IM SO LUCKY TO HAVE SUCH A GORGEOUS, HOT GIRLFRIEND! I'm so in love with that woman who is such an intelligent amazing mother with majestic beauty! Going to bed with a smile on my face. Good night.

"Keeping Love True"

"Loyalty, love and honesty is all I have to give. My intentions are always good, but no ones emotions should ever be played with. You can change a persons single being with just 1 lie, 1 action, 1 word, 1 touch and 1 thought. Just do the right thing, love entirely before love is lost. Have faith and be faithful. Because what you do will eventually come back around to you. Good or bad, happy or sad. Make the effort to show your love and keep that love true."_Unknown


Found this online and it hit me so hard. With all the insecurities I have with my relationship with Mona it related. It's hard doing things long distance. It puts things in your head that would never occur if we were together all the time physically. And social networks really don't help much. But I am proud of my Mona Lisa because she's done a lot better (other than ignoring my text and tweets instead lol). But all I've ever done is keep my love true to her. And I pray shes doing the same. I love her with all my heart. She is my reason love and if I ever lost her then I will most likely never love again because I have her whats left of my heart entrusting her to never break it. Without her I would never smile. Feeling a little better than earlier. I'll be going to bed tonight thinking of my amazingly beautiful future wife and soon to be mother of my child(ren) as I always do. Good night

I love Roxy. She always seems to know when I'm down or in a blah kind of mood. I love how that's the main time she comes to me voluntarily and rubs up against me. Although I usually hate it when she licks me, this is the only time I allow it. I can tell she's getting old and I know the day she passes will be the hardest day of my life. Thinking of it now is choking me up.

Not good tonight

My mood feels like blah. I don't know why but I feel like I'm not worth shit. I don't know. Tonight just sucks. Good night

My dream last night >>>>>

Changes change

If all it took was to go back to the old way then I would've done that a long time ago. Still sexually frustrated and a little upset that my wife won't tease the fuck out of me, but it'll be worth it when she gets here. I love her with all my heart. Feeling a lot better. Good night

Night

She feels distant and I hate it. Haven't talked much all week other than the one night I learned new things about her. And she doesn't want me like she used to. I don't like this feeling. It's just a bunch of small stuff that hurts, but I'll deal with it. I already know I won't be speaking to her tomorrow because she'll be busy at her family picnic. So on that note, good night

Yawn, I'm awake

Woke up at 6:30am for NO REASON and can't go back to sleep. It's not helping that I'm HORNY AF and NEED sexual relief or at least teasing and I haven't had that in damn near a week or week and half. And the hard dick I woke with refuses to go down, ugh. I just hope today is good and I have a pleasant weekend. No troubles. No drama. No fighting. No bullshit. Had an ok weekend last time which is still way ether then I've had as of late due to my mood being in a funk. But I've been feeling a little better especially the closer the 26th comes to where I get to see the mesmerizingly fucking gorgeous girlfriend of mine, Mona coming to finally be with me for an entire week. I'll finally be able to hold her petite frame. Kiss her beautiful lips. Look in to her angelic eyes. And OH MY GOD, caress, feel, abuse, and love her UNDENIABLY PERFECT JAW DROPPING SEXY BODY! She WILL have my child, I PROMISE! I love her with all my heart and soul and so lucky and thankful everyday I wake up knowing I have this loyal and beyond beautiful woman as my girlfriend. But dammit, thinking of her really doesn't help me being horny as fuck. Soon as I calm down I think I'll start my day off by going to the gym.

Countdown

I'm too in love wit the most beautiful woman on this earth. These 2 weeks need to move faster. Only 16 more days until the GREATEST WEEK OF MY LIFE!

That hurt.

I need something to cheer me up. I'm in a blah mood.

Not giving up, Just giving in

I woke up today to say good morning to Mona and send out tons of emails. I'm still in the mixed of those but I took a break because something came to mind. I'm super jealous and I hate it. Sometimes I wish I didn't give a fuck like other guys and talk to tons of girls on the side and bullshit but that simply isn't in me. And it doesn't help when I feel like a secret or unappreciated as a boyfriend. I try my hardest but I almost don't know what to do anymore. Now I'm officially at the "fuck it" stage putting whatever I feel aside in order to adjust to somewhat of her liking, but yesterday that ended up coming across as "on her ass". So that's why like I said, today it's all her on wether she wants to speak to me. I always text first, call first, everything first. Am I needy, yes. But so what? Last I checked, a girl would love a boyfriend giving them undivided attention. I would LOVE the same but that's simply not the case. That's kind of why I've been in a blah mood, especially this morning. Maybe i make her too much of a priority, but how do you cut down on what you feel is most important to you? Anyways, back to work.

Chilling out..

I think I'll just let her have the day to herself. She can text or call me when she wants to talk. I'm tired of feeling like I'm bugging her or some type of burden. I just want the 26th to hurry up and get here so I can hold her. 17 more days. I just hope that there's no flaking like before because I don't know if I can handle that again. But I'm not trying to think negative. She's coming and I know it! I love her and she loves me. But I'm still leaving tomorrow up to her wether she wants to speak or not to me. Good night

I Think Too Much

Well I didn't really talk to Mona at all today...literally...she was in a bad mood for whatever reason and was extremely short with me. And now apparently she's either ignoring my calls or sleep. So I said fuck it, good night and I love you. I don't feel like staying frustrated all night cause then i start thinking too much about bullshit so I'm gonna just write for a bit and later get on twitter or something. It really does suck not talking to here even though she said I've been on her ass all day and I looked at my call time and text and really it's damn near NOTHING but whatever. Trying not to let shit get to me even though I've been having some Issues lately. Either way I'm just biting my tongue as much as possible. Shit is what it is and my request get denied so I'm learning to deal with them. Why? Because I'm in love with her, so fuck it. I'm out for now.

Why the attitude?

The fuck did I do? If you don't want shit to do wit me today than just say so. That assholish attitude was uncalled for. Maybe I should just talk to her tomorrow since I'm so fucking terrible today as a boyfriend. Fuck this shit and who gives a fuck about me.

I really don't like how she doesn't respond to me on social networks like I don't exist...That shit is rude and feels sneeky...

I really do hate getting off the phone with her. Especially if I feel like I haven't talked to her much a certain day. But I understand. I still love her. Good night

In a blah mood and my stomach hurts. I'm gonna just lay back down. Ughhh..

If its not a big deal then it shouldn't be a problem. I was just being honest saying it bugs me and makes me uncomfortable.

Eye Opening

I have a new found level of respect and love for Mona. As much as it hurt to know what pain she was truly in, wishing i could take it all away for her. I'm truly blessed to have such an amazing woman by my side. That phone call helped erase all and any negativity I've had all day and helped me understand how I can be better for her. She's much stronger than she gives herself credit for. Tonight really should how beautiful she is inside and out. I'm even more in love than I already was to begin with. It feels amazing going to bed with a smile on my face with her being the reason. Good night.

And what was suppose to be a good or even great has officially been SHIT! Fuck it, Good night.

Didn't know you can be in twitter jail from unfollowing too many people in an hour. Whatever I guess. Anyways, been awake for a couple of hours now. Cooled off some but still in a blah mood.

Who wants what

Mood went from whatever to ok to fucking irritated. I hate it when she does that shit. Never wants to talk about anything when I'm trying to figure out what was wrong with her in the first place. If its over me saying "that's not what I wanted" then I'll let her be upset. Because just last night she told me I should've been more clear on what I really wanted even though I always have been and damn near begging every time. So I made it clear again last night. And today it was forgotten and brushed the hell off. So I was being honest. I was told 2 things of something I've been asking for a pretty long time and it's something I really wanted. So yes, I was disappointed. SORRY! But its also like I wasn't being thankful for what I got neither. I still complimented what was given because it was still great in its own right. Just not what I wanted. So if she wants to be mad about that then fuck it. I have been clear as day. Even with the way I bust my ass for her THINKING I deserve a little extra, I'm obviously wrong. She told me she feels like what she does is never enough but does she ever sit back and realize I feel the exact fucking same with shit! I wake up stupid early to camp for shoes for her. That iPhone was the biggest fucking headache in the world, yet I still haven't had my face time or other PRIVILAGES I was told if be receiving "when I want, all I want" and I remember her getting mad cause I sent it 3 day shipping instead of next day because it really was too much. Sorry if I'm being selfish for once! But there's a difference on giving someone something what they really want and what you feel like doing. Cause I break my back even when I don't want to. Maybe I'm just not meant to et what I really want until 20 days from now when she gets here. I'm gonna chill the fuck out and lay down so by the time she does chose to call I won't be utterly PISSED like I am now and just soak up all the blame as I usually do.

HORNY AS FUCK

Good night

Mona helped pick up my night even though her only known response is "maybe" & "no". I get a "we'll see" but all that is really just another "NO" . But when I give a "maybe" or "we'll see" its always a "YES". I think I'm a pretty great deserving awesome boyfriend, but apparently I'm not. Good night.

It's whatever...

Ehh kinda day

Nothing special about today. Just another day. Nothing bad. Nothing good. Just whatever. It was boring and not boring at the same time.

Change of Pace

Thanx to Mona for helping me get back in to a good mood today, I had a really good relaxing day. She really does make me happy. And we had a great conversation about baby names. Also had a lot of fun with it. I do need to go to the gym tomorrow though since I took a nap and lost track of time today. I'm going to end my night with some DBZ. I hope tomorrow is just as good as today was. I miss my beautiful love already. Good night

Can't Catch a Break

So I'm pissed because I been told Maggie I was going with her and the kids to go see Batman this weekend. She text me last night saying that they're going to the 11:10 showing. As you can see I said "ok" soon as she text me. Come to find out, Von text me saying she just checked in when I've been calling her since 10:20 on when she was ready to go. Now I'm not even interested in the movie anymore and i can careless what people talk about. So apparently I need to stop being so fucking nice and cut down on the shit I do for people. Period. These last few weeks have really been utter shit for me. I just want some bullshit free time. I can't wait until Mona gets here on the 26th. That will probably be the only good week I'll have in months. Leaving the post office now even though I got extremely irritated with this shoe situation but I dropped it. I'm just staying home to myself and watch Dragon Ball Z all weekend and do laundry.

I'm chilling out...not worth being angry when I have do much more to look forward to soon. I love her with all my heart and that's what matters most to me. I'll talk about what was brought up later but it's not of relevance at the moment. I'm home now after an ok night of pool. Daniel was all over Kim and Liah was trying to hound Von but he wasn't taking the passes made toward him. Daniel and Kim were kicking it off nicely though. Only part that was a kick in my ass was when Liah came up to me and asked of I was ok because she said I looked like something was bothering me. I'm not gonna tell her shit so I was like "no, I'm good" and laughed it off, but I was bummed as shit all night because of a dumb issue that got out of hand and ruined attitudes. I really wish I had her undivided attention to where she would answer my calls in case of an emergency or if I needed to talk to someone. Blah...good night

Not even mad about bullshit earlier tonight but now I'm confused as fuck about something else. I hope this isn't a lie and just a misunderstanding.

FUCKING FURIOUS! I SHOULDN'T GET UP TO BUY FUCKING BULLSHIT IN THE MORNING FROM THAT DUMB SHIT!

I don't like that shit.

Birthday Bummer

I'm sad as fuck for my girl Ochie and this all sucks to shit. If she didn't have a bed time, I would go back over there and try to cheer her up. But maybe tomorrow somehow. Thanks to Kolton for photoshopping this Jimi Hendrix tattoo on her that she had me walk up to a stranger today to take a pic of it lol. Hopefully these bring a smile to her face. She's had an enormously tough time this year and I just got a text from her mom saying that Ochie was crying after I left because not one of her family members including her chump of a father called to say happy birthday. And she told Maggie the only thing that kept her smiling through the day was her mom and brought me up. I smiled and tear'd up in sadness at the same time. She was even waiting for her God Father to say something and nothing...when he only lives NEXT DOOR! I love this girl as well as her brother and sisters as if they were my own siblings. So finding this out broke my heart. Maggie said she started crying as well as soon as Ochie let one tear go. She wasn't looking for gifts. Just to be remembered on the one day that belongs to her by birth. She's a beautiful and extremely intelligent girl that has made simple teenage mistakes like everyone else, yet people treat her like the black sheep as if they didn't do the same or worst. And this sucks because she is so fun and caring. No matter if her and her sisters or brother aren't getting along she will defend them no matter what. She always has an open mind and open heart. People need to stop shutting her off and learn how to open the fuck up. Most of these are adults! Fuck! I hate shedding tears but it hurts knowing she feels forgotten by those she loves.

Not going to let dumb shit phase me today. I was in a good mood & took a power nap to let that irritating crap get off my mind. Today is Ochie's 14th birthday as well as yesterday was James 10th. I plan on enjoying the rest of my day negativity free.

Yup.

I hate being mocked. That will instantly irritate me. Like now...

HORNY AS FUCK!!!!!!!! UGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!

"Dreams of Dreams"

Found this poem I wrote from just shy of 2 years ago. Just noticed I never posted it.


"What do you dream about?
Do you even have a dream?
I mean really, think clearly about what I'm asking you. Because personally...I dream too much.
I dream at random with one day having a club anthem. Banging in to your ear drums until you can't stand it like a nightmare of being a paraplegic and wake up covered in sweat, panic and frantic.
But that's a DREAM.
Maybe a pipe dream.
Or did my dream burst a pipe?
Seriously. I remember the first time I woke up soaked from thigh to thigh as my mini me...correction....BIG mini me stood high.
I was told it was a wet dream, but I hated that phrase because no water was in it. I used to think a wet dream was when I peed the bed and my dumb ass continue to lie in it. But that's the past.
I dream of a family. My own family. My success as a husband and the privilege to be a father.
I wonder...
Will the woman I'm so deeply in love with bless me with this honor? A heaven sent gift. So I can rub her belly and seal it with a kiss. Sing to my unborn seed with an angelic pitch. Yes I may be in denial with my voice, but in my head Trey Songz ain't got nothin on this!
Thats a dream... Or at least how I dream. I'm told that all dreams eventually come to a reality. Battling the effortless desire howling from my heart to keep dreaming.
So I dream on...
Now...I ask you again.
What do you dream about...."

Finally, a Good Day!

I LOVE THIS GIRL!!! MY MONA LISA!!!




As irritated or upset as I may have been about her wanting to go to sleep on me, I still LOVE this woman to death. She gave me a great surprise today so that really brightened up my mood by TONS. I mean OMFG! She does suck terribly at calling me back though. I mean wow. Lol but she really did a great job at surprising me and making me feel good today. If only everyday could have the same energy (with more talk time though seeing how out of a whole day we spoke for on 77 minutes...that's really low and yes I counted the call time lol). It sucks I forgot to tell her that she really did cheer me up and help me have a good day. I can't wait until the 26th. Just 3 weeks until we're finally together how we're suppose to be. I love my Mona Lisa so much.