Disappear?

Sorry but I can't sleep. Mona has been on my mind but I'm beginning to almost hate her. I won't go back on my word of she ever needs me but what was done is beginning to really hit. So many thoughts and words I want to say. And of course she's back to her old self as if nothing happened while I play fake "it's whatever". I don't want to hate her but she seems to make it pretty fucking easy to do so. I didn't delete her completely when I really should. Things will never be the same no matter what. Maybe I need to disappear completely. I'll take a week to think about it. I almost have no choice because she really was and is the love of my life, but now after everything that has happened I feel like everything was a lie and yet again I was not the only one. I'm going to stop before I say way too much and my words get out of hand. I'll see how this long week goes before I make a final decision on wether I become a ghost or not. But from now on IF I choose to talk to another woman. I'll never love or trust any female ever again.