Hurting..

Lately I've been a little out of it emotionally. I feel like I've been burden more than a boyfriend recently. Either I'm too jealous. Too over protective. Too demanding. Or just too much in general. I don't like knowing that I'm the reason for an argument to breakout and such things as court is mentioned. All I asked for is a few days, at most a week to see Mona. I've been requesting this for over a month now and if you want to take it further, almost 2 years. I've expressed how much I hate being mad at her, but I get a even worst feeling when I know she's upset and I can't find a way to possibly help. I would do anything I could for her no matter what. Even when I resented her the most and utterly broke my heart at one point last summer. If she would've ever chose to ask me for anything I would jump at her command. I can't help that I gave her my heart. This is the only woman I have ever initiated the thought of having children with and have no hesitation or second guessing myself. That says a lot knowing I was once engaged in a 9 year relationship and was still scared of sharing a child. I may sound dumb and in love for not having sex in almost 2 years because I am waiting for her, but who cares. I just wish I could help her. I wish I can hold her in my arms and tell her I would never let anything bad happen to her. I wish I could kiss her on her forehead and tell her no one in the world is allowed to ever question her as a woman and definitely not as a mother. She's too beautiful and amazing to ever have to shed a tear or be moved over false accusations and empty threats. I love how she actually speaks up and stands up for herself. Her independence and dedication as a mother stretches beyond belief to me. She will be the mother to my child/ children. I refuse to ever lose her again and that is a promise! Sometimes I wish I could do more than I can but distance truly is holding me back and it hurts.